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Class #1 - Lesson 5
 

The role of jealousy

  
  So...you've decided to give swinging a try. Both your and your significant other are 'good to go' - you've talked about it, you're both in agreement and nobody's feeling forced to do anything. Maybe you've met a swinger couple online, maybe you're all set to check out your first swinger party.
But before you take a step out your door, there's one last big discussion to have...and that's about jealousy. We can name plenty of couples who have taken the first steps into swinging and run into this:
Things are heating up between the four of you. The lights are dim, everyone's just tipsy enough to let the inhibitions go and clothes start coming off...and just as you start feeling the nice full breast of the very nice swinger lady you've met, you glance over to see your wife with her tongue jammed down the throat of the nice swinger guy, with her hand squeezing the growing bulge in his pants...and all of a sudden, your passion turns to anger and things come to a grinding halt as you get pissed at her for doing what you both had already planned to do!
Trust us, we've seen it happen. Too often. A lot of times, people get stuck thinking about how the situation will be for THEM - they're picturing all the fun they could have with that nice swinger lady - and forget that they're going to have to deal with their S.O. doing the same thing. And that's hat swinging IS...what goes for you, goes for your S.O. as well!
Jealousy is not just a common response when it comes to starting out in swinging, it's something that almost EVERY couple has to deal with. The key, of course, is communication and knowledge.
Communication is vital before things get 'heated up' - you and your S.O. need to talk about what's O.K. and what's NOT O.K. (we've met plenty of experienced couples who swap partners and do most any kind of kinky sex act known, but they have their own rule between them that says they don't kiss anyone else). Once you have set the rules between you, you need to make sure the other couple knows your rules - and you know theirs. It might be tough sometimes to communicate those rules, but making an awkward comment about what's against the rules is better than a fight later because someone broke the rules!
Once you've set some rules - if any! - and set down some boundaries for your swinging adventure, you still need to remember that jealousy can and does sometimes creep in. Understanding jealousy is key...and jealousy is nothing more than personal insecurity. If you've made it this far, you've already made the distinction between the physical act of sex and the emotional bonds you feel for your S.O., so it's important that the first time you see your partner enjoying him or herself with someone else, you remember that that's the end of it - they're ENJOYING themselves, but at the end of the night, they're going home with you! YOU are the one your S.O. loves, and the enjoyment they're getting is physical, not emotional. Swinging is about BOTH of you getting as much enjoyment out of sex as possible - and if that means your S.O. is getting fucked to a series of shuddering orgasms, you should be thrilled!
Some couples deal with jealousy by going into separate rooms when 'doing it'...so-called 'closed swinging' (as opposed to 'open swinging' when everyone is in the same room) where the two sets of swappers are in separate bedrooms. If that works for you - great (that's not how we do it, or, honestly, most swingers we know, as we're all major voyeurs who enjoy watching our S.O. get fucked as much as we like fucking!).
Since jealousy is about insecurity, discover what it is you're insecure about. Usually, once you understand what it is you're insecure about - and often, it's something ridiculous like dick size or boob size or techniques during oral sex, that sort of thing - your partner can help you understand that there's no need to feel insecure.
Are you insecure that your S.O. might 'fall' for the new partner? Remember why it is that the two of you are there - to have new sexual experiences, not start a new romance. Are you insecure that your S.O. might be having more fun with their new partner than they have with you? Relax...you might just have some serious fun yourself!
And one final note about jealousy...if you become involved in swinging and there are other issues that suddenly begin to cause problems in your relationship, make swinging the first thing you put on hold until those problems are fixed. There's no sense in continuing to swing - and risk jealousy problems  and further damage to your relationship - until your relationship is back on solid ground.